I never thought I had an obsession with being right. Then I was wronged.
After taking faithful steps, praying earnest prayers, and dreaming vivid dreams, life took an unexpected turn. I sacrificed my heart and my future, only to have a feared outcome become an actual reality. I made a big investment, and I lost.
When this door closed, I wanted a silver lining. I wanted to know that my right actions would not be rendered null and void. Even though, in my head, I believed that the Lord would fight for me, I still felt like I was owed something. Be it closure, great relationships, or a successful future, I wanted something tangible.
However, both my perspective on what was “right” and what was “owed” were significantly skewed.
My perception of what is right is so limited. My calling is still coming to light. My passions are still coming to light, and I don’t have the corner on the market of right. God owns that property.
And do I want that? Do I want the responsibility of judging hearts and motives? Do I want my say to be the final say? I’ve tried to be the master and commander of my own life, and I don’t like the job duties.
By giving God the reigns, I humbly surrender the right to know all and to be all. I need to release other people to live their journeys, whether or not the results fit my ideals. Of course, I have a part to play, but I can trust him with the outcome.
Surrender and obedience are conscious choices. They are not lovely little concepts easily practiced and preached. When the moment comes to lean in or to push away, I pray to lean well. To steal the words of King Solomon:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.
For what He’s given, I owe much. I know I’m owed very little, yet I daily receive more than I deserve. Forgiveness, righteousness, wholeness all happen a day at a time. Under his providence, we are constantly being made new. That’s a gift.